6 months. Half a year. I will remember always the little one that was mine for a time. Mine to care for, to share my being with. Though I never held her or saw her, she was a part of me. And always will be. How does the heart mourn for the lost? It happened so fast. Only knew for a short time, then baby was gone.
Some mourn silently, others don't know what to say. Some cry openly, some cry inside and pretend its ok. Everyone mourns differently, but we all mourn. Our friends don't know what to say, or if they even should. Its not talked about, its to awkward. Its ok to ask, I want to be asked, I want to know people do care. I'm saddened to have lost a little one, but more then anything I want people to know there was a life there! There's a pang to say there was a loss, but what a joy to be able to say you carried a life within you! I wonder what she looked like. Did she have Matt's eyes and my smile? Maybe his dimples. Maybe my hair color. She was real. I want people to know that. And some day I will hold her in my arms.
Moving on has been hard. There's grief over Melinda. There's fear over the next future baby dying. There's fear over the emotions and changes I will experience if I go through that again. Woman who loose aren't asked how they feel or how they're doing. This is how we feel. And how we're doing is often masked with a smile.
The Rememberance Angel
given by my parents
8 comments:
We move on but we never forget. Very touching post Emily. *hugs*
That was beautifully written Em. And I just can't get over how much I love that name. Good post and I hope it helps other gals. Love you.
Thanks ladies :) I know you'll always remember your first too Terri.
Amy, it was the perfect name choice for her, especially with the meaning of it :)
That was so precious. I hope there is a nice circle of our kids playing together in heaven....just a bit of my own *wishes*. Big hugs...
I love that thought Tia B. I'd never thought about it, but our babies don't have any familiar faces in heaven. Maybe God has a special circle for them :)
I hope that in sharing your loss you have found a new level of healing. Yes, there are those of us who have never had this kind of loss and cannot completely understand the grief and disppointment and although that may be to our "benefit" we still lack. We lack the true compassion that only one who's grieved in this way has, we lack the ability to truly reach out to another. Therefore God has a ministry for you and you alone that I and others will never be entrusted with. I have a sister and mom who have both lost and God has given them some very amazing and unique opportunities to help others. I'm sure that God will also use you in this way as well.
Other friends of mine have lost and something that they have done to help them remember is to plant a rose in honor and memory of their sweet little one.
Laura, thank you for your post! I have been wanting to do something in memory of Melinda, I love your idea. I did some research this morning, and there is a rose called "Melinda". I think that would be very fitting :)
I just found your blog!
I'm so sorry to hear about this, I did not know about it! Praying for God's healing! I love the name!
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