Facing the day

Facing the day inspite of fear. Sometimes that can be challenging! My mom recently shared this beautful poem with me. Its all about learning how to face life each day as it comes - despite our fears, our weaknesses, our shortcomings, the unknown. Tonight I hold tight to this poem as I remember the little one I lost 6 months ago today.

Happiness is something we create in our mind,
It’s not something we search for and so seldom find,
It’s just waking up and beginning the day
by counting our blessings and kneeling to pray,
It’s giving up thoughts that breed discontent
And accepting what comes as a gift heaven-sent,
It’s giving up wishing for things we have not
And making the best of whatever we’ve got,
It’s knowing that life is determined for us,
And pursuing our tasks without fret, fume or fuss,
For it’s by completing what God gives us to do
That we find real contentment and happiness, too.

For a Time: Melinda ~ "Beautiful Little One"

*Matt and I lost our first little one at about 4 weeks. This is my heart openly sharing because I believe those who have lost an unborn child don't have much of a voice.

6 months. Half a year. I will remember always the little one that was mine for a time. Mine to care for, to share my being with. Though I never held her or saw her, she was a part of me. And always will be. How does the heart mourn for the lost? It happened so fast. Only knew for a short time, then baby was gone.

Some mourn silently, others don't know what to say. Some cry openly, some cry inside and pretend its ok. Everyone mourns differently, but we all mourn. Our friends don't know what to say, or if they even should. Its not talked about, its to awkward. Its ok to ask, I want to be asked, I want to know people do care. I'm saddened to have lost a little one, but more then anything I want people to know there was a life there! There's a pang to say there was a loss, but what a joy to be able to say you carried a life within you! I wonder what she looked like. Did she have Matt's eyes and my smile? Maybe his dimples. Maybe my hair color. She was real. I want people to know that. And some day I will hold her in my arms.

Moving on has been hard. There's grief over Melinda. There's fear over the next future baby dying. There's fear over the emotions and changes I will experience if I go through that again. Woman who loose aren't asked how they feel or how they're doing. This is how we feel. And how we're doing is often masked with a smile.

The Rememberance Angel

given by my parents

If I were to be asked though if I would have rather had no baby at all vs having and lossing, I'd pick the latter. I am so incredibly thankful for the life I carried for a time. Melinda will always be a part of me no matter what.