Facing the day

Facing the day inspite of fear. Sometimes that can be challenging! My mom recently shared this beautful poem with me. Its all about learning how to face life each day as it comes - despite our fears, our weaknesses, our shortcomings, the unknown. Tonight I hold tight to this poem as I remember the little one I lost 6 months ago today.

Happiness is something we create in our mind,
It’s not something we search for and so seldom find,
It’s just waking up and beginning the day
by counting our blessings and kneeling to pray,
It’s giving up thoughts that breed discontent
And accepting what comes as a gift heaven-sent,
It’s giving up wishing for things we have not
And making the best of whatever we’ve got,
It’s knowing that life is determined for us,
And pursuing our tasks without fret, fume or fuss,
For it’s by completing what God gives us to do
That we find real contentment and happiness, too.

For a Time: Melinda ~ "Beautiful Little One"

*Matt and I lost our first little one at about 4 weeks. This is my heart openly sharing because I believe those who have lost an unborn child don't have much of a voice.

6 months. Half a year. I will remember always the little one that was mine for a time. Mine to care for, to share my being with. Though I never held her or saw her, she was a part of me. And always will be. How does the heart mourn for the lost? It happened so fast. Only knew for a short time, then baby was gone.

Some mourn silently, others don't know what to say. Some cry openly, some cry inside and pretend its ok. Everyone mourns differently, but we all mourn. Our friends don't know what to say, or if they even should. Its not talked about, its to awkward. Its ok to ask, I want to be asked, I want to know people do care. I'm saddened to have lost a little one, but more then anything I want people to know there was a life there! There's a pang to say there was a loss, but what a joy to be able to say you carried a life within you! I wonder what she looked like. Did she have Matt's eyes and my smile? Maybe his dimples. Maybe my hair color. She was real. I want people to know that. And some day I will hold her in my arms.

Moving on has been hard. There's grief over Melinda. There's fear over the next future baby dying. There's fear over the emotions and changes I will experience if I go through that again. Woman who loose aren't asked how they feel or how they're doing. This is how we feel. And how we're doing is often masked with a smile.

The Rememberance Angel

given by my parents

If I were to be asked though if I would have rather had no baby at all vs having and lossing, I'd pick the latter. I am so incredibly thankful for the life I carried for a time. Melinda will always be a part of me no matter what.

A Love Poem

I am the proud family keeper of 2 of my great great grandpa's Civil War diaries. They are brimming with tales of the dangers of living at sea and the love he felt towards his fiance - often written in poetic nature. Here's is one of my favorites written about his fiance while they were an ocean apart with no hope of when they would see each other again. *note, this woman was not my grandma. The fiance died unexpectedly, shortly after this poem was sent to her.

There is a heart, a faithful heart
That throbs for thee alone
A heart that beats with fairest love
Tould beat against thine own.
No arrow, winged from Cupid's bow
Ere pierced my vital part
No has another image found
Its center in my heart

Now had I wings I'd rise at once
And flee though far away
To cheer thee in thy loneliness
And never go astray
For thou enshrines within my heart
Hast solely sovereign power
I am thy slave and still must be
Until my latest hour

Though absence part us for awhile
And distance lies between
Believe whoever may revile
I'm still what I have been
For to my dying day my heart
Thro every fate will be
If doome'd till then to mourn apart
Unchanging still to thee

Unfinished Project #1 - FINISHED!

Here's unfinished project #1, and its now finished! My first quilt!!!! It's just slightly smaller then a twin bed, perfect for a child's bed someday. I think this is my longest kept unfinished project - 18 years. As I was sewing it this week I told my husband that it would some day be a family antique - he informed me that it was so old that it was already an antique! So true I'm afraid..... This unfinished beauty transfered with me through 5 moves, and had even more storage units as its home. It has now found a home on our couch, a much better place.

And yes, it had an old smell - but the sun has taken that away :)

Off to finish the next unfinished project....I have a host to choose from!

The New Me

I cut my hair, as you can see :) Not sure yet what I really think of it, I haven't had short hair since I was 16! Now I gotta work on stylin it :)

My husband only said it makes my head look big....hmmm....not really the look I was going for....but its probably true since my hair isn't really noticable now that its short :)

Put it off till tomorrow - or the next decade

Have you ever started a project, determined to finish it, only to have it become an unfinished dust collector? I'm a pro at doing this. I get close to finishing something, and then put it away. I'm the same with eating - nearly always leave a couple bites on my plate. Well, sometimes its good to not take all the food, so I'll keep that habit. But its time to start finishing those unfinished projects......and there's a lot of them!! Started the first one this week....stay tuned for a picture of the final result!

To homeschool or not to homeschool

A recent post of mine on facebook has stirred up a bit of controversy. The subject: to homeschool or not to homeschool. Here are some statements that I found thought provoking.

*it is our responsibility as parents to educate our children.
*at the end of the day, every child is different and they all have different learning styles and that must be paramount in the decision
* there has been no separation between being a teacher and a mother so I would hope I have been good at both
*I don't believe any one educational choice is best for every person/mom/kid. I think it's personal and individual for each... family/kid/mom.


First thank you all who openly shared your thoughts on the matter! There was much heart felt thoughts coming from both sides. You may wonder where I stand on this issue. Here it is.

I truly want what is best for my child someday. I want to create a healthy and benaficial environment for my child to grow academically as well as emotionally/spiritually. That being said, some of my readers my assume I will be homeschooling from preschool to the 12th grade! Not necessarily so.

Here is my "dream" school situation for my children. To find a small Christian school where they can be well trained in the academics. True, there will be influences of other children that I won't have control over. However, if at any time I find that a school influence is pulling my child down, I would have no problem pulling that child out to homeschool or find another school. Each child's needs will be different.

Why do I not wish to homeschool? Frankly, I wish to be a mother, not a mother and a school teacher. I want to enjoy spending time with my kids and for them to enjoy time with me.

**Edit on my reasons (which were posted while high with fever:))
I believe that the relationship with a child is foremost important and that for some, homeschooling would only make that relationship suffer. Before homeschooling each mom needs to really evaluate if she is capable to homeschool based on her academically ability, physically ability, and emotionally stabilty. I for one am not the healthiest (physical) on the planet.

I think its time for homeschoolers to think outside the box. Its not wrong to NOT homeschool. Sometimes the best decision for the well being of a child is to NOT homeschool :)

You have to start somewhere.....

Check back soon for posts!